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Under The Hallow Stars

by Keep Ons

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1.
It rained the whole month and I swore I could control it with my mind. Sober thoughts against a scene in black and white, and I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately but it’s making me nervous. The same disorders that afflict us will afflict the ones we love, somehow spread through loneliness or lack of touch, but those fields came bursting into bloom under the hallow stars and the rain found a purpose. Underneath the hallow stars the world was perfect for one night. We didn’t see it in the dark but all around us there was life, and though it’s hard to let you go I think that we will see with time, what we have lost we may yet find. I talked to Laura on the phone, she’s always right about these things, as much today as back when we were 17, and I remembered there’s a place for all of us although we may not be adjacent. So if you walk away with one thing from this lousy rotten fall, please let it be that you must honor who you are, and let your spirit never wither on the vine as you stare at those empty pages Hallow stars, watching over us, please help us make some sense of this, help us learn from our mistakes. Hallow stars, leave us just a little love, leave us just a little trust, leave us just a little faith.
2.
Funny How 03:52
"It was nobody's fault" Reads the headstone for all that we were, and could’ve been if we weren't always just surviving in this stupid fucking world. This house is always freezing but I can't work up the will to leave this room, and I’ve been thinking about Canal street, and that summer, and how little we knew. There are some kinds of loss that you carry till your legs just give way, and you just sit there all alone cause no one else could ever know just what it means. Well I guess I'll probably try again come springtime when the ground begins to thaw, yeah sometimes life is funny but it's mostly just a never ending slog, or a joke that you weren't in on. Most folks seem to take for granted that the sky could never fall, that they'll never be abandoned, that it's all under control; that they'll wake up every morning to a family and a home. Are you so sure you've seen it all? Are you really so objective? Are you so stubborn that you'd rather walk away than learn a lesson? I'll be right here till you come home.
3.
Waiting for this thin veneer of confidence and grit to fall down, I told my friends that I've seen darker days than this but I don't know and I wake up shaking after sober nights at home cause these late night talks sustain me but I still go to sleep alone. I wake up pouring sweat at 4am still only taking up my own half of the bed curse all these little compromises, fill the cracks with petty vices, maybe up there in those stars we'll find a reason for it all. I lit two candles by a statue of the buddha on the night stand next to my bed. Read your zine for the hundredth time, it'll have to do until the day I can look at those ashes instead. I swear you'd know what I should do now, fucking shit is officially fucking fucked and I'm searching for the fire that lit our way, stumbling home up Ridgemont street, maybe all those nights just built us up to bring us to our knees. Breaking bottles in the bathtub, huffing paint out on the couch, I was wasted by a fire the night I finally figured out, all of this was just a dream, we'll never know just what it means, up on that hilltop staring down at all the smoldering streets.
4.
Woke up in my car on new years day, head spinning shivering it's 22 degrees and I can't remember what I said to you last night but I don't think I'd want to anyways. There ain't no winners here just winters wasted waiting on the spring And I cannot sum this all up as some homage to my friends, or by sunsets spent with lovers life is uglier than that cause just like every one of us will surely one day die so these songs will all mean nothing, they will fade away with time. Started up the engine, ran the heat, wanted to drive the fucker head on into traffic at full speed but I just walked home with my tail between my legs, I slept until the sun went down and woke still wishing I was dead. Now the snow's up to my knees, but it ain't nothing new compared to all the colder days I've seen Sometimes it all seems so absurd and I remember back in Asheville, riding the cruiser bike in a downpour, to the show, and everything was more than fucked, but somehow that disappointment had crested and all I could do was laugh at the way we're so stubborn and so easily attached. And I put it in a box full of letters and pins. Swear ill try again tomorrow or the day after that, cause right now I can barely even get out of bed, it seems like nothing changes in the end. Somehow still it always circles back to something you would always say to me when I was sad. "This too shall pass," "Do the thing that comes next;" Wish you were here to help me figure out just what it is.
5.
I can't remember when the sun went down. Finally made it around the pond, on the truck bed shivering in the dark, illuminated by passing cars. We both know how this one ends, and it was almost nine o clock, I didn't wanna be nowhere else, but there with you and the dog. God damnit, I don't wanna go home forever, just wanna stay here till it snows. Help me I am in hull, I was making my way up Nantasket Ave. and everybody drives so goddamn slow but I don't get mad. Wasn't thinking of home, fully present for once in my stupid life, but I laughed when I thought of the way you would roll your eyes. Help me I am in hull, in a foggy lonesome dream. I stood up on the walls and I just stared out at the sea, and the waves kept crashing, lighthouse flashing, in the past it's in the past it's-
6.
You wouldn't recognize me. I don't know if it's been minutes days or years since I really felt alive, we never finish what we started like a misplaced beer, and I've turned it every which way, I’ve been working every angle, and I've folded all the laundry, even put it on the hangers, and the anger's long gone but an empty shape remains. When we met it was a cloudy day Some backstreet in the south end. In your rain jacket you were walking dogs by the rich peoples houses. In the morning when I stormed out, I was poisoned and doubtless, and now you're leaving and I can't do a goddamn thing about it. We took the causeway to the island. We were walking on the beach in the driving rain. Little lights on the horizon blinking on and off didn't feel half as far away as you did when we were sitting in the downpour in the front of the car, you were reaching in the backseat when you brushed against my arm, and my heart just stopped, you were glowing in the dark, and the world just washed away, it was a cloudy day. We were reckless with a precious thing and one day it was gone. The erosion went unnoticed as it washed away our home. By the time we saw what we had to lose it was already gone.

about

six past lives burnt in effigy

credits

released April 20, 2024

Guitar + Vox: Jack Haley & Amy Griffin
Bass: Morgan Coe
Drums: Dan Wilder
Recorded at Mystic Valley Studios and in our basement by Alex Garcia-Rivera and Morgan Coe
Mastered By Jason Duguay at Project Sound
Cover Photo: Amy Brown
Cover Art: Jack Haley/Some 18th century astrologer

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Keep Ons Boston, Massachusetts

Region rock or whatever.

For the love of god someone please take away Jack's copy of Letters To A Young Poet.

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